had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
