hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
