I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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