Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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