just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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