is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
