ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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