I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
