my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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