I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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