Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
