Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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