Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
