Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
