Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
