I didn't shave. On purpose
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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