Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
