On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
be right there i have to get my cape
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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