The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
