My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
