ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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