i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
