She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
