i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
