look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
