how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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