I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
