He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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