A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
