just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
