Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
