tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
