did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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