I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
