Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize