hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
