sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
