I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
