So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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