Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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