We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
