So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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