New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
