that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
