What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
