And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
