On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
