and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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