just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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