come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
