I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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