Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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