You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
