Whod you bang
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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