fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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