All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
