I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
