Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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