The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im holly from the hills drunk
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
