forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
