I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
