I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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