Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
