dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
