so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
