i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
