sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
