Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
