I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
