He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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